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Our close companions with a woman, who has faced and conquered several hardships, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she's repeatedly caught off guard by others. Her spouse left her, which came as a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances drifted away at that point, because they seemed only interested in her husband. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in greater energy toward our bond, probably realised more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

Over the years, many of her friends have disappeared without her being knowing the cause. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been highly competent, she departed unaware of the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we have each retired so we're spending time together, yet I realize the part I play between us is to listen. I start discussion points only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I try to recommend factchecking or other angles.

She is arranging a vacation to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in for a while. My intention was to offer personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She essentially only wanted validation of her choices. I have come back from 30 days in that country and she wants to reconnect, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate in this role that walks away without explanation, yet I doubt she can grasp the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. At this point, my state is pulling back. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is rarely a smooth outcome that we desire. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out takes courage and readiness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing what typically happens when you talk. It should be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell her how it makes you feel. There should be no dispute on this point. What you feel are your feelings, after all. The third step is to question how the two of you can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Remember she too holds perspectives, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. One effective method is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

She might reject your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative regarding their experiences they cannot abandon because their very survival is tied to it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge because there's no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. However, she might start out this way then consider your perspective. And even if you never reach an agreement, you'll have peace from having been honest with her.